The basis of a happy marriage is a happy friendship. One of the components of a happy friendship is an agreement to treat each other with kindness and respect, even in difficult situations. Although this is generally unspoken, I believe it helps to have an understanding of what "kindness and respect" means to each person.  Some people are fine with yelling and emotional exchanges as long as insults are not hurled. Some are not comfortable with this at all. Find out what both of you are comfortable with, and agree to treat each other with kindness and respect.

 

Life and busyness gets in the way of the closest of relationships. Make it a priority to talk regularly about things that matter to both of you. Make it a priority to develop new "things in common" and to capitalize on the old ones.  It is ironic that it can be the hardest to "stay in touch" with the person you live with. Yet we can so easily drift apart over time, unless we make regular effort to stay close. Stay in touch. Have fun together. Guard the closeness and trust in your relationship. Make it a priority.

 

It goes without saying that effective communication is critical. Sometimes, on sensitive points, it can be a challenge. Some couples find that even when their relationships are going well, going in for a couple's counseling marriage "tune-up" a few times a year helps them talk through difficult matters. Marriage Encounter weekends can be valuable as well. I highly recommend having a weekly "family conference" where you commit to talking, and really hearing, each other. My own relationship has profited a great deal from all of these tactics.

 

You probably are aware by now (if you are married) that you did not marry yourself. Sometimes I bet you wish you could have married your clone...but you know, they would be annoying you just as much as your partner is annoying you now. Do what you need to do to accept, and celebrate the differences. Accept that a certain level of "incompatibility" is normal in the best of relationships! Make this acceptance one of your key life works, and you will most likely have a happy relationship.

 

Steven Covey, in his must-read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families discusses the importance of making constant, daily deposits in your partner's emotional bank account, and watching your withdrawals. The investments can be promises made and kept, acts of affection and kindness, apologies. Often we do this without thinking. But we often overdraw our account without thinking as well! Become familiar with this concept as a couple, and make sure that your emotional bank account with your partner is full, and that you are requesting what you need so their account with you is full as well. Couples with full emotional accounts with each other are most likely going to be happy couples. It is often the small things, over time, that erode a relationship.

 

You will have plenty to forgive if you are in a relationship for a long time. You will have plenty to be forgiven for. If forgiveness is a difficult thing for you, there are some good books and strategies for working though it. Do what you need to do to forgive and keep clean slates with each other. Resentment will slowly destroy a relationship.

 

Sometimes you will be wonderfully in love. Sometimes you won't. If you've been married for any amount of time, you already know this quite well. Otherwise, know that it is quite normal for your very happy relationship to go through cycles, and sometimes you won't feel "love" for our partner and they won't feel "love" for you. You won't even know why you chose them. It will come back around. Stick with it. Along these lines, you've probably had experiences in your life that have taught you flexibility, the ability to change, the ability to have a sense of humor when things seemed grim for the moment, and the ability to stick with difficult effort for a worthwhile long term objective. All of these qualities will serve you well in some of the more challenging times in a happy long-term relationship!

 

There are many things to be said about being "in love", from a developmental point of view, a sociological point of view, and so on. However, I think it can also be said that when we are "in love" we most truly see another individual. You've been able to see what a magnificent person your partner is. Reflect over what is wonderful about your partner on a regular basis, when you "feel" it and when you don't. It will make a difference.

 

Go for it.