Be there. Be there. Be there. Let them know that you are just a phone call away, that you are very much in their corner, that they are in your thoughts, that you care and will continue to care.  

Express your sorrow for them without going into too much detail. They absolutely need to know you care ( but don’t have the emotional energy to hear too much about your pain).

Do not…absolutely do not…try to fix their situation with your words. Do not try to make God right. Do not try to explain how things are better this way. Your words are useful if they convey your sympathy and support. Your words are worse than hurtful if you try to explain the good in this situation, or if you try to make sense out of a tragic loss for them. Resist the temptation. Bite your tongue. Just say “no” to your desire to fix things by explaining them. This has to be the most common, and the most hurtful, response of those trying to console someone who has experienced a major loss. Even after being on the receiving end, I must admit to doing it myself. It is so hard to be around grief when there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix it. Again, don’t even try. Just be there, and show your support. That is more than enough.

What do they need in terms of daily support? Do they need some nutritious food? Do they need someone to do a bit of housekeeping?  Do they need an exercise buddy? If you see a need, either try to fill it, or discuss how to help with a mutual friend. Your grieving loved one may be having great difficulty doing what they need to do in their day-to-day life.

Include them! Just because they have had a loss does not mean that you should not invite them to the same fun activities you would ordinarily. But don’t take it personally if they say “no”. Be persistent. Let them know you care and consider them part of the group, just like before.

Don’t forget their loss after the first few weeks. They will be grieving to some extent for the next several years. Bring up their loved one or lost dream, as sensitively as you are able. You aren’t making them think about something that is not very much on their mind. It does feel like the rest of the world forgets so quickly. I so appreciated those who asked me how I was feeling about my son for months and even years after his birth and death.

Encourage them towards good self-care. This is a hard thing to think about when you are grieving, and sometimes it takes a little extra prodding from a loved one.